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The Onion

The Onion: CEO’s Success Story

The Onion: CEO’s Success Story

Success. Some people have a natural knack for it, while others work hard for it. This young CEO? He was born into it. America’s Finest News Source presents a picture perfect story of triumph and birthright.

The Onion vs The Internship

The Onion vs The Internship

America’s Finest News Source The Onion thinks that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson’s upcoming comedy flick The Internship is a must watch… for anyone who hasn’t seen a movie since 2005. Oh snap!

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Onion News Empire (Trailer)

Onion News Empire (Trailer)

A new comedy series by The Onion, Onion News Empire pokes fun at HBO’s The Newsroom and news media in general. Starring Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development). The first episode is free, but it’s an Amazon exclusive.

The Onion: Apple Maps

The Onion: Apple Maps

Breaking news! Apple is reportedly working to fix its Maps snafu with a global effort that will soon make their app very useful, if not necessary, to get around. We hope Google Planet is finished soon.

The Onion Talks

The Onion Talks

The Onion Talks pokes fun at the sometimes pretentious TED Talks. The latest video talks about a recent online trend: clueless companies hiring other people to connect them to social media.

The Book of Known Knowledge

The Book of Known Knowledge

(NSFW: Language) From America’s Finest News Source comes the only book you’ll ever need. The Onion Book of Known Knowledge: buy it or remain an idiot forever. Sample entries here and here.

HP Is Into That Cloud Thing

HP Is Into That Cloud Thing

According to The Onion, HP doesn’t just sell affordable computers (that are worth their weight in repair costs later on). Soon, the company will be offering that cloud thing everyone’s talking about.

Killer Prius

Killer Prius

The Onion reveals the latest in eco-friendly cars, the new Toyota Prius Solution, which automatically decreases its owner’s environmental footprint by systematically eliminating them.

The Onion: Online Scam Alert

The Onion: Online Scam Alert

(NSFW: Language) Did you know that there’s a website that allows anyone to beg for money to fund whatever awful plan they had in mind? Be wary of these Kickstarter projects.

The Onion: Breaking News

The Onion: Breaking News

The Onion has stumbled upon a scoop so fresh even they have no idea what it’s about. Or if there’s even anything worth reporting. It’s all fun and games until the real world proves it true.

The Onion: Miners Trapped

The Onion: Miners Trapped

The Onion reports that a group of miners are unable to escape… from their jobs. We don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Also, hear about this new thing we should all be scared of/laughing about.

The Onion x Harry Potter

The Onion x Harry Potter

The Onion takes a stab at Hollywood’s franchise milking as they reveal Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Parts 1 to 7. Also, we hope none of you are as hopeless as these guys.

The Screenwriter of Fast Five

The Screenwriter of Fast Five

The morning program of The Onion had a short talk with the screenwriter of the upcoming movie Fast Five, 5-year old Chris Morgan. We could think of a few other movies that he might have written.

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Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

We didn’t even know Infinity Ward was working on this sequel, but the guys at America’s Finest News Source broke the story on the latest addition to the franchise, the most realistic war game yet.

Bullet Bus

Bullet Bus

Screw high-speed railways. America’s #1 source of satire has just reported that instead of expensive bullet trains, you’ll be getting bullet buses. Stay the hell out of the shoulder lanes people.

The Montana Merkle

The Montana Merkle

(NSFW) This rare avian species is being over-hunted to near extinction, primarily due to some of annoying traits, including its offensive “f*ck you” call and disgusting mating rituals.

Apple Friend Bar

Apple Friend Bar

The Onion reports on Apple’s new Friend Bar, where Fanboys and Fangirls can head when they really want someone to talk at about why Snow Leopard 10.6.4 kicks the ass of 10.6.2.

Al-Qaeda Loves Twilight

Al-Qaeda Loves Twilight

Breaking news from The Onion: The Al-Qaeda aborted an attack on Washington DC to spare the life of Twilight series author Stephanie Meyer, who was in a shopping mall near the target location.

Paltrow Punched in Iron Man 2

Paltrow Punched in Iron Man 2

The Onion picks on Gwyneth Paltrow, reporting that people now want to see Iron Man 2 even more to watch for a scene where Paltrow supposedly gets punched in the face.

2018 NASA Girl Approach

2018 NASA Girl Approach

They can put a man on the moon, but Houston definitely has a problem when it comes to the opposite sex; NASA’s plan to approach a girl by 2018 is a total failure to launch.

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Onion Sports: Packers Fan

Onion Sports: Packers Fan

The Onion celebrates a Packers fan’s return to drinking for the umpteenth time (not unlike another repeat-retiree); not bad for someone who confuses passing yards with passing out.

The Onion: LOST Fans

The Onion: LOST Fans

The only thing more annoying than a preachy John Locke are his fans: The Onion’s LOST satire proves that it’s not just the plot but the viewers themselves that are in an alternate dimension.

Book: Our Front Pages

Book: Our Front Pages

The Onion’s been hitting it out of the bulb park lately with videos, but Our Front Pages is good old pulp; the 304 page book covers 21 years of hilarious headlines, stories, and fine print.

Funny: Ruins of Friendster

Funny: Ruins of Friendster

It may be a relic in the US, but The Onion speaks with a web archaeologist who has discovered the Ruins of Friendster; hidden within: rumors of another lost network called A-oool.

Funny: Modern Warfare 3

Funny: Modern Warfare 3

We appreciate the efforts and sacrifices of our troops, but The Onion’s Modern Warfare 3 suggests a better name for the ultra-realistic military sim: the Call of Monotonous Duties.

Staples Center Collapse

Staples Center Collapse

Our condolences to fans who did not die in the Staples Center Collapse: yes, it’s an Onion parody, this time skewering the Los Angeles Clippers with a fate worse than death: a shutout.

NFL Mentors Detroit Lions

NFL Mentors Detroit Lions

We apologize in advance to the Motor City, but after an ugly, winless 2008 season, The Onion’s proposal for NFL Players to Mentor Detroit Lions may be just what Jim Schwartz needs.

Parent FB/Twitter Stalking

Parent FB/Twitter Stalking

The Onion tackles the growing problem of parents stalking their kids through Twitter and Facebook; if you’ve ever needed a reason to ignore a friend request from mom, this is it.

Funny: Ominous Music

Funny: Ominous Music

The Onion’s Ominous Music shows the perils of living our lives according to portentous soundtracks; our favorite part: FEMA’s feeble attempts to ward off danger with strategic phrases.

Funny: US Gov’t Fake Coup

Funny: US Gov’t Fake Coup

The US government goes bankrupt in style by staging a fake coup, complete with the storming of Congress, blowing up the Treasury and renaming the country to the Empire of Octavia.

Obama Axes Dragon Tank

Obama Axes Dragon Tank

The military-industrial complex has never been fond of Obama, but it’s a sad day when the world’s greatest superpower can’t have its own flying, flame-throwing billion dollar dragon tank.

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