Awesome The Onion

(PG-13: Language) “…unfortunately, our conclusion, essentially, is that you’re fu**ed. Just absolutely rammed.” Rising housing costs, unprecedented hurricanes and heat waves, even more rising costs, and that stupid trend of brooding covers of grunge songs in movie trailers. The Onion sums it all up in one video.

News outlets bring out fancy infographics and huge touchscreens to cover major events, and the election is the biggest spectacle of them all. The Onion imagines a news outlet with equipment so fancy that they can go where no news outlet has gone before, creating new and profound perspectives to the US Presidential Election.

If you’re unfamiliar with ClickHole, it’s The Onion’s hilarious sister website that pokes fun at sites like Buzzfeed. But they don’t want us to think it’s all fun and games behind the scenes putting together so much artificially-hyped viral web content every day.

The Onion’s film critic Peter K. Rosenthal takes a look at the latest Toy Story film, comparing the CGI animated tale with its source material, a traditional German fairy tale “die Reise der Spielzeuge,” written in 1793. Needless to say that Disney Pixar’s version comes off as a little watered down.

Being forced to review the godawful looking Fifty Shades Freed throws The Onion film critic Peter K. Rosenthal into a serious existential crisis and downward spiral. The best part of this “review” is how little actual footage from the film you’ll be subjected to.

Between WhoSampled and Everything Is a Remix, we know that there’s not a ton of 100% originality in music production. But we had no idea that Hall and Oates Rich Girl appeared in so many hit songs. Then again, this is a video from The Onion, so the joke’s on us.

The Onion film critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at one of our all-time favorite Christmas movies, and contemplates what wonders the employees of the Nakatomi Corporation missed out on when their office Christmas party was rudely interrupted by an exceptional thief.

The Onion film critic Peter Rosenthal takes a look at Clint Eastwood’s film about Sully Sullenberger’s heroic emergency landing in the Hudson River, but reminds us that despite the survival of all passengers and crew, there were still victims of this tragedy.

The Onion’s latest Sports Science parody reveals that synchronized swimmers are controlled by a hive mind. They are incredibly attuned to each other’s states and are ruthlessly devoted to perfection. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Resistance is futile.

“At this point, the pupils dilate, attempting to pick off the slowest people attempting to run away.” The Onion continues its faux Olympics coverage by looking at how competitive archers suppress the urge to plant an arrow on someone’s face.

Can veteran construction worker Rodrigo Silva finish a 14ft. tall steel-reinforced spectator stand in just 8 weeks? Will he get paid? Will the world care about him? Find out in The Onion’s take on ESPN’s Sports Science.

The Onion’s Peter K. Rosenthal reviews Finding Dory from a satirical self-absorbed perspective, viewing it as an oblivious testament to the difficulties of living with the disabled. Poor Petey. Nana should be ashamed of herself.

“Who are all these goddamn people?!” The Onion’s film critic Peter K. Rosenthal was thoroughly confused by Captain America: Civil War‘s ensemble cast. Who is Black Widow? Or Falcon? What motivates Random Bystander? Seriously though, stop with the origin stories.

While most critics have tag-teamed to trash Batman v Superman, The Onion’s film critic Peter Rosenthal was deeply moved by Zack Snyder’s fiesta of fights and frowns, because it reminded him of his two favorite heroes: his parents.

(PG-13: Language) For The Onion, film critic Peter Rosenthal, Star Wars: The Force Awakens will never be as good as the first movie in the series. But he knows that for many horny teens, it – and heck, potentially any movie – will be their best movie ever.

“No one gets ahead without someone else falling behind.” Satirical film critic Peter Rosenthal shares his take on the original Back to the Future, arguing that it’s an indictment of Reaganomics. It’s like The Onion is trying to be funny but ends up keeping it real.