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The Onion

The Onion Reviews Fifty Shades Freed

The Onion Reviews Fifty Shades Freed

Being forced to review the godawful looking Fifty Shades Freed throws The Onion film critic Peter K. Rosenthal into a serious existential crisis and downward spiral. The best part of this “review” is how little actual footage from the film you’ll be subjected to.

The Most Sampled Song

The Most Sampled Song

Between WhoSampled and Everything Is a Remix, we know that there’s not a ton of 100% originality in music production. But we had no idea that Hall and Oates Rich Girl appeared in so many hit songs. Then again, this is a video from The Onion, so the joke’s on us.

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The Onion Reviews Die Hard

The Onion Reviews Die Hard

The Onion film critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at one of our all-time favorite Christmas movies, and contemplates what wonders the employees of the Nakatomi Corporation missed out on when their office Christmas party was rudely interrupted by an exceptional thief.

The Onion Reviews Sully

The Onion Reviews Sully

The Onion film critic Peter Rosenthal takes a look at Clint Eastwood’s film about Sully Sullenberger’s heroic emergency landing in the Hudson River, but reminds us that despite the survival of all passengers and crew, there were still victims of this tragedy.

How Synchronized Swimmers Work

How Synchronized Swimmers Work

The Onion’s latest Sports Science parody reveals that synchronized swimmers are controlled by a hive mind. They are incredibly attuned to each other’s states and are ruthlessly devoted to perfection. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Resistance is futile.

The Onion: The Archer’s Dilemma

The Onion: The Archer’s Dilemma

“At this point, the pupils dilate, attempting to pick off the slowest people attempting to run away.” The Onion continues its faux Olympics coverage by looking at how competitive archers suppress the urge to plant an arrow on someone’s face.

Olympic Construction Worker Sportology

Olympic Construction Worker Sportology

Can veteran construction worker Rodrigo Silva finish a 14ft. tall steel-reinforced spectator stand in just 8 weeks? Will he get paid? Will the world care about him? Find out in The Onion’s take on ESPN’s Sports Science.

The Onion Reviews Finding Dory

The Onion Reviews Finding Dory

The Onion’s Peter K. Rosenthal reviews Finding Dory from a satirical self-absorbed perspective, viewing it as an oblivious testament to the difficulties of living with the disabled. Poor Petey. Nana should be ashamed of herself.

The Onion Reviews Civil War

The Onion Reviews Civil War

“Who are all these goddamn people?!” The Onion’s film critic Peter K. Rosenthal was thoroughly confused by Captain America: Civil War‘s ensemble cast. Who is Black Widow? Or Falcon? What motivates Random Bystander? Seriously though, stop with the origin stories.

The Onion Reviews Batman v Superman

The Onion Reviews Batman v Superman

While most critics have tag-teamed to trash Batman v SupermanThe Onion’s film critic Peter Rosenthal was deeply moved by Zack Snyder’s fiesta of fights and frowns, because it reminded him of his two favorite heroes: his parents.

The Onion Reviews The Force Awakens

The Onion Reviews The Force Awakens

(PG-13: Language) For The Onion, film critic Peter Rosenthal, Star Wars: The Force Awakens will never be as good as the first movie in the series. But he knows that for many horny teens, it – and heck, potentially any movie – will be their best movie ever.

The Onion on Back to the Future

The Onion on Back to the Future

“No one gets ahead without someone else falling behind.” Satirical film critic Peter Rosenthal shares his take on the original Back to the Future, arguing that it’s an indictment of Reaganomics. It’s like The Onion is trying to be funny but ends up keeping it real.

What’s Up with This Big Hole?

What’s Up with This Big Hole?

(PG-13 Language) One of The Onion’s opening salvos against the rotting corpse of Vice is this gripping account of a moron with a camera crew investigating a hole in the ground. The sad part? The real stuff is still way worse.

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EDGE (Teaser)

EDGE (Teaser)

(PG-13 Language) “Uncaged, Unaccountable, F**ked Up.” The Onion takes on Vice with a parody of their hardcore, no holds barred, cinema verité style of journalism. The series premieres 8/3/15, and is sure to be packed with F-bombs.

The Onion Reviews Avengers: AoU

The Onion Reviews Avengers: AoU

“Buildings, roads, regular people. These are not superheroes, yet they are consistently shown throughout the film.” The Onion satirizes the overabundance of characters in Avengers: Age of Ultron by demanding the exact opposite.

The Onion: The Sound of Music’s Secret

The Onion: The Sound of Music’s Secret

(Gore) In honor of The Sound of Music‘s 50th anniversary, The Onion’s film critic Peter Rosenthal breaks down the source of the movie’s success and “where the gold standards in cinema are forged”: in human suffering.

The Drinking Prodigy

The Drinking Prodigy

(NSFW: Language) “So young and yet so disgusting!”  The Onion talks to Tyler Morgan, who got accepted into Ohio State University even though he’s only 13 years old, thanks to his college-level drinking skills.

Uber Seize

Uber Seize

The Onion pokes fun at ride-sharing services, with their own unique spin on the popular urban transportation option – a new service that lets users just commandeer any car on the road, GTA style, getting you a ride faster than ever.

The Onion: How to Avoid Road Rage

The Onion: How to Avoid Road Rage

“Anger is just one letter away from danger!” The Onion’s talk show asks a defensive driving expert to give tips on staying calm while driving. You might not approve of his suggestions, but we commend him for leading by example. Or not.

Honda: Wolf Rider

Honda: Wolf Rider

“You wanna ride? Yeah? You wanna ride?” The Onion promotes Honda motorcycles with this funny mini series about a man who quits his boring job to become a hero… and probably a hobo in debt. More here.

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The Ultimate Character Creator

The Ultimate Character Creator

The Onion promotes Elder Scrolls Online while poking fun at the increasingly complex character creation process of MMORPGs. Though if you tone it down their idea could actually be spun off into an educational game. Will it Live?

The Average Male’s Fighting Skills

The Average Male’s Fighting Skills

(NSFW: Language) In a shocking news report, The Onion reveals that the average male is 4,000% less effective in fights than they imagine. Nah, we could totally take on The Onion. If it came to that. Please don’t hurt us.

Clickhole

Clickhole

“ClickHole has one and only one core belief: All web content deserves to go viral.” The Onion goes all out in its parodic campaign against BuzzFeed, launching an entire website that pokes fun at the entertainment site’s style.

Christ, Article A Video

Christ, Article A Video

(NSFW: Language) Forget about the NSA, Heartbleed and Net Neutrality. The Onion exposes online articles that turn out to be autoplaying videos. And what about the overload of gifs on mobile sites? Freaking Grantland.

The Onion: NASA’s Epiphany

The Onion: NASA’s Epiphany

Biting satire from The Onion. America’s finest news source imagines what would happen if the folks at NASA had a change of heart and decided that they were looking for the wrong things in the wrong places. Yeah love, bitch!

The Onion: Teens Leaving Facebook

The Onion: Teens Leaving Facebook

America’s Finest News Source reports on the rise of a new social media site: a random YouTube video. Come on guys, let’s make this work. And by “work” we mean totally misuse comments sections. We’ll be hangin’ at Happy Fast Kitchen.

Everyone Knows You’re High

Everyone Knows You’re High

“New research indicates that your brain got broken and you shouldn’t have done this.” The Onion stokes the stoner’s paranoia with this hilarious skit. The fun doesn’t stop here: their site has several slightly different versions of the clip.

Netflix Browse Endlessly Plan

Netflix Browse Endlessly Plan

The Onion suggests a new plan for Netflix users. For just $5 a month, you’ll be able to skim through Netflix’s library, judge what to watch by the posters, then never actually watch anything. It’s channel surfing 2.0.

The Perfect Work-Life Balance

The Perfect Work-Life Balance

The Onion checks in with a revitalized man, who told sources that he’s enjoyed the right mix of work and personal time ever since he got fired from his job. Once again, American’s Finest News Source is as funny as it is poignant.

The Onion on The Shining

The Onion on The Shining

(NSFW: Language) For his Halloween episode, The Onion’s resident film critic Peter K. Rosenthal talked about the classic horror film The Shining. Or at least that was the plan. No, he’s not Danny Lloyd, and no, we don’t care.

The Onion: CEO’s Success Story

The Onion: CEO’s Success Story

Success. Some people have a natural knack for it, while others work hard for it. This young CEO? He was born into it. America’s Finest News Source presents a picture perfect story of triumph and birthright.

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