THE BEST T-shirts

We’ve seen many pirates in our day, but this is the first that double dutches: this rope-wielding Where’s Me Booty Tee is perfect for shaking down the neighbor’s kids landlubbers for their candy loot.

This Goldilocks and the Three Beers tee shows that even mortal enemies can set the porridge aside for a good ol’ fashioned co-ed kegger. Next up: When Bears Go Wild.

Set your phasers to tipsy: this Bar Trekkin’ t-shirt is ideal for a night on the town with your fellow Starfleet cadets. Just don’t come crying to us when you wake up next to a Klingon.

Who knew Count Dracula was a medieval hustla: this Vampire Grill tee by Dance Party Massacre shows the Dark Prince’s grill fully blinged-out; it’s actually printed with silver ink.

Counter-revolutionary my ass: this Che t-shirt is a nod to those folks who run around in trendy Che Guevara tees and think “viva la revolucion” is Spanish for a non-fat chai latte.

We realize endorsing this shirt dates us, but we can’t help but crave this Teen Wolf inspired Skate Wolf tee. For the younguns, think Geico caveman with more hair, fangs and a deck.

Sometimes, you just want to wear a ginormous skull: Agent Skully is an all-over print in every sense of the word. No word on whether there’ll be Mulder jeans to complete the ensemble.

Monster hunters in training should pick up this Cryptozoology t-shirt by SquidFire; it’s a veritable Who’s Who of supernatural beasties, including Nessie, El Chupacabra and Bigfoot.

When not guarding Egyptian tombs, Mummies apparently enjoy doing ollies; this Dead Shred t-shirt may be gaudy in purple, but we’ll make an exception for our bandaged friends.

Jeff Sheldon’s Ugmonk tees are back, with his popular Lowercase restocked and offered in a new black version; also check out his heather grey And Then I Woke Up t-shirt, above.

Glowing red eyes, decaying flesh and maggots: yup, Halloween is coming, and this Zombi Zombie t-shirt is a great alternative to the Good Guys Don’t Glow tee we featured previously.

Want a low-key (but still cool) Halloween costume? Ivan Pineros’ Good Guys Don’t Glow tee features classic Hollywood monsters that glow in the dark, except the good guy, of course.

Love reductive drawing and Star Wars? This Troopa Tee is perfect for minimalists; it’s sold by Designgive, who donates a portion of each purchase to your choice of seven charities.

Just one look this It Takes A Pillage Tee by Glarkware and we knew we had to feature it; it shows family values at their very best–assuming you belong to a family of sword-wielding Vikings.

This latest Jet t-shirt from Johnny Cupcakes is an update on their infamous Red Jet tee; it sports a Flying Tiger-esque fighter plane raining down (what else?) cupcakes from above.

Made for fun by photographer David Friedman, this sweet A New Hope graphic has been given the thumbs up by Lucasfilm and is now available as both a t-shirt and a poster.

Even superheroes have a limited amount of patience, as shown by this Microwaves Are Too Slow t-shirt. We can only wonder what happens when his computer goes on the fritz.

Oh sure, they may look cute, but very few live to tell stories about When Pandas Attack; this all-over t-shirt has a creepy style reminiscent of Alvin Schwartz’s Scary Stories. Thanks, AJ!

Prepare for Dia de Los Muertos with this awesome Muerte Dulce t-shirt; it’s got a great New Orleans kitschy skull thing going, with three colors dyed into a black American Apparel tee.

The Space Wreck is a t-shirt you’ll need to inspect closely; it sports an exploded, armor-plated sailing ship cruising the cosmos (for lusty three-armed space wenches, no doubt).

We’ve always wondered how Vader kept his helmet blingin’; Glenn Jones (aka Glennz) Self Maintenance tee is pure genius and has got us all’ Imperial Marchin’. Thanks, Simon!

Traditiona’s Liberation Tee continues their line of Asian-influenced designs with a Bengal tiger lithely stalking its prey. It’s one of six sweet new shirts recently added to their shop.

Hands On Clothing’s Slime Doughnut t-shirt is similar to yesterday’s Slime Monster, but wins extra points in the sweet tooth department. It’s also a monster, just a very sugary one.

Rastafarian iconography, decrepit Soviet spacecraft and William Gibson all mix deliciously on this Babylon Rocker t-shirt by the-affair. Limited to 200, this is a brand that’s going places.

One of the top entrants to DBH’s 10K competition, this Perversion of Paranoid Populace t-shirt by Budi Kwan is our favorite with his poignant Orwellian homage to CCTV.

Whomever you support for the US presidential election, it’d be tough to beat a McClane/Gruber ticket, because there’s no topping a campaign slogan like “Yipee Ki-Yay, Motherf***er!”