Awesome Cracked

Cracked’s “honest” Roger takes on college loan providers, the life-long debt they create for many students, and how most university experiences do little to prepare us to handle real-world responsibilities like paying bills.

“Go ahead and buy sweet and succulent tree fetuses. They’re just gonna rot on your counter anyway.” Cracked and Roger the educational Satan are back to explain how groceries use psychology and statistics to make us spend and eat more.

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s good, but I would say it’s effective.” Cracked and Roger are back to ruin yet another thing that makes us happy. Breakfast cereals are addicting carb flakes made from American tradition, sugar and market research.

Cracked points out why the live action Batman TV series and films look the way they do and are so distinct. They are products of their times, a reflection of America’s past three decades. Though we refuse to believe that Joel Schumacher’s 2-film run was the ’90s fault.

“See how we keep changing what’s good for you? That how we get you.” Cracked’s outspoken Satan is back with a glowing explanation of how most diet products and programs are marketed and how they “work.” And if they don’t work, it’s your fault.

Cracked’s ol’ devil Roger returns as an hotelier brazenly exposing his business for what it is: bedspacing maximized for cost-efficiency, at the expense of its employees’ or its customers’ well-being.

“In reality, you’re 5,000 times more likely to get hit by lightning.” Cracked’s scumbag businessman reminds us that you’re better off doing anything else with your cash than playing the lottery. It’s fun to dream, but lotteries prey on needy folks by offering false hopes.

(Gross) “I should note there’s no oversight as to what constitutes ‘high quality.’ I’m just allowed to call things that.” Roger a.k.a. Honest Satan talks about how the meat industry caters to the modern flesh ingester.

“Maybe if you take Hortiolis, the weather will change. But you know, it won’t.” There is no one-size-fits-all treatment for clinical depression. But as Cracked shows, antidepressant medicines are marketed in the US as if they were simple painkillers.

Cracked’s devilish salesman Roger returns to talk about cellular phone carriers – a handful of giant corporations that have more or less the same services and efficiency. But look! It’s a map with splotches on it, and there’s a splotch where you live!

Cracked points out the go-to tricks of today’s movie trailers. There’s the overly long title presentation with imposing fonts for action movies, the folk guitar intro for indie movies, and our favorite, the “Transformer losing his boner” sound for epic scenes.

(PG-13: Language) It’s not that we expected flawless logic from Pinocchio, but as Cracked explains this Disney classic doesn’t make sense even on its own terms, from Geppetto’s carelessness with his prized child to Jiminy Cricket talking about snitching in a kids’ movie.

No sane human being thinks weatherpeople are necessary. Cracked details just how much of a sham their job is. In short, the best ones are actually either models or comedians.

Puzzles and secrets are in all sorts of video games. And why not? It feels great to solve a challenging puzzle. But sometimes game designers mistake “hard” for “impossible.” The Pokémon one doesn’t even cover the even more oblique endgame.

Cracked continues its quest to obliterate any chance of selling ads on its YouTube channel, this time taking on big soda brands like Coke and Pepsi, and the fact that we’re willing not only to pay for a can of fizzy water, high fructose corn syrup, acids, and dyes, but to drink it.

“If you sign up now, we’ll even waive the initiation fee that we created just so we could waive it.” Gyms aren’t total scams – some people don’t have room (or a safe neighborhood) to exercise at home. Just be smart about what you pay for and show up.