The Onion reports that a group of miners are unable to escape… from their jobs. We don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Also, hear about this new thing we should all be scared of/laughing about.
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The Onion takes a stab at Hollywood’s franchise milking as they reveal Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Parts 1 to 7. Also, we hope none of you are as hopeless as these guys.
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The morning program of The Onion had a short talk with the screenwriter of the upcoming movie Fast Five, 5-year old Chris Morgan. We could think of a few other movies that he might have written.
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We didn’t even know Infinity Ward was working on this sequel, but the guys at America’s Finest News Source broke the story on the latest addition to the franchise, the most realistic war game yet.
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Screw high-speed railways. America’s #1 source of satire has just reported that instead of expensive bullet trains, you’ll be getting bullet buses. Stay the hell out of the shoulder lanes people.
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(NSFW) This rare avian species is being over-hunted to near extinction, primarily due to some of annoying traits, including its offensive “f*ck you” call and disgusting mating rituals.
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The Onion reports on Apple’s new Friend Bar, where Fanboys and Fangirls can head when they really want someone to talk at about why Snow Leopard 10.6.4 kicks the ass of 10.6.2.
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Breaking news from The Onion: The Al-Qaeda aborted an attack on Washington DC to spare the life of Twilight series author Stephanie Meyer, who was in a shopping mall near the target location.
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The Onion picks on Gwyneth Paltrow, reporting that people now want to see Iron Man 2 even more to watch for a scene where Paltrow supposedly gets punched in the face.
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They can put a man on the moon, but Houston definitely has a problem when it comes to the opposite sex; NASA’s plan to approach a girl by 2018 is a total failure to launch.
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The Onion celebrates a Packers fan’s return to drinking for the umpteenth time (not unlike another repeat-retiree); not bad for someone who confuses passing yards with passing out.
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The only thing more annoying than a preachy John Locke are his fans: The Onion’s LOST satire proves that it’s not just the plot but the viewers themselves that are in an alternate dimension.
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The Onion’s been hitting it out of the bulb park lately with videos, but Our Front Pages is good old pulp; the 304 page book covers 21 years of hilarious headlines, stories, and fine print.
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It may be a relic in the US, but The Onion speaks with a web archaeologist who has discovered the Ruins of Friendster; hidden within: rumors of another lost network called A-oool.
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We appreciate the efforts and sacrifices of our troops, but The Onion’s Modern Warfare 3 suggests a better name for the ultra-realistic military sim: the Call of Monotonous Duties.
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Our condolences to fans who did not die in the Staples Center Collapse: yes, it’s an Onion parody, this time skewering the Los Angeles Clippers with a fate worse than death: a shutout.
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We apologize in advance to the Motor City, but after an ugly, winless 2008 season, The Onion’s proposal for NFL Players to Mentor Detroit Lions may be just what Jim Schwartz needs.
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The Onion tackles the growing problem of parents stalking their kids through Twitter and Facebook; if you’ve ever needed a reason to ignore a friend request from mom, this is it.
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The Onion’s Ominous Music shows the perils of living our lives according to portentous soundtracks; our favorite part: FEMA’s feeble attempts to ward off danger with strategic phrases.
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